Lost in translation

Johann Hari alerts us to the fact that his latest article on Iraq has been translated into French and published in Le Monde, dahlings.

Well, thanks for letting me know but I read it in English when it was first published and it was complete shit then; do you imagine the French translation has improved it or something?

Security services 'not to blame' for London bombings

From the Guardian:

"MPs have concluded that the intelligence and security services could not be blamed for failing to prevent the July 7 attacks, it was reported today."

Good - because I'd always been inclined to blame the bastards that actually carried out the atrocities, myself.

Top QC calls for review of fingerprint cases

This would be Michael Mansfield QC. When you see him popping up on provincial TV, stroking his mane, you know that some serious shit is going down. This has to do with the Shirley McKie fingerprint case. The Scotsman has this:

"A LEADING QC is to write to the Attorney-General in the wake of the Shirley McKie controversy, requesting him to order a review of court cases in England and Wales which relied on fingerprint evidence.

Michael Mansfield - who specialises in high-profile miscarriage of justice cases, including Angela Cannings, the Guildford Four, and Danny McNamee, the so-called Hyde Park bomber - said the McKie case had profound implications for the reliability of fingerprint evidence north and south of the Border.

He added that all Scottish cases involving the four experts at the Scottish Criminal Record Office's fingerprint bureau involved in the McKie case should also be reviewed.

Mr Mansfield said last night his request to Lord Goldsmith, the government's senior law officer, would be the "logical outcome" of the "discreditation" of fingerprint evidence which emerged during the McKie case."

The shadow of ambiguity this case has cast reaches further than this country. We've got FBI agents leaning on SCRO officials. These FBI agents are now being investigated but here, still, not a damn thing. Reports have come from various countries of trials where this case has been cited by wise-ass lawyers in a sort of creationism versus evolution kind of way.

Can we get this sorted please? I'm worried about the fingerprint expert who keeps popping up on Newsnight Scotland; he looks like he's going to have an aneurysm. I don't feel quite as strongly as he does - I doubt many people do - but it is fucking embarrassing, to be perfectly frank. Surely Brave New smoke-free Scotland is capable of putting its own criminal justice system in order? Or do we need the British Attorney General to do it for us? Not that he'll necessarily do anything, mind you - but why wait to see if he does? The brighter nationalists have taken this point and are pressing the case accordingly. Would be nice to see the Executive show some initiative over something more important than the weighty issue of making people smoke outside...

Michael Mansfield QC: "You want to shag me, don't you? I don't blame you - I'd shag me too."

McCabe folds on pensions

From the Scotsman:

"MINISTERS are preparing to back down on public sector pension reform in the face of the threat of a new wave of strike action by local authority staff.

The Scottish Executive had previously insisted there could be no movement on plans to raise the age at which hundreds of thousands of public sector workers could retire without any financial penalty, from 60 to 65.

But just a day after 200,000 local government workers took nationwide industrial action over the issue, Tom McCabe, the finance minister, has signalled a change of heart.

Mr McCabe revealed that he was considering seeking an exemption from the European law which ministers claim has forced them to end the so-called "Rule of 85" retirement provision."

There is the possibility that this story is a wee bit premature but it seems highly likely that the Executive will be forced to back down for two reasons:

1) The strength of the strike and the prospect of a further programme of more focused industrial action.

2) The fact that the Executive doesn't have the proverbial leg to stand on. Whatever you think of the issues surrounding public sector employment, retiral ages and pensions - the council workers have been treated blatantly unfairly. Despite the fact that I work for the council, the rule doesn't apply to me (not that I'm planning to hang around that long, you understand) but the Executive wants to impose it on the dinner-school ladies, claiming their hands are tied by Europe. Pah!

And it was noticeable that our friends in the CBI didn't complain about Brussels' interference on this occasion.

Sir Digby 'I haven't missed too many meals lately' Jones: "Does my mullet look big in this?"

Late for work again?

Just blame it on 'social' jet-lag, say researchers:

"HALF the population are in a permanent state of jet-lag because their body clocks are so out of synch with the demands of modern life, sleep researchers claim.

A study of 500 people found huge variations in people's natural sleeping patterns, with some early risers getting up at the same time night owls were going to bed.

Professor Till Roenneberg, of Ludwig Maximilians University in Munich, said this meant that at least one person in two was "in effect, socially jet-lagged all the time" because their body clock did not conform with their working hours."

Knew it! I'm definitely one of these sufferers. When I'm vertical at ungodly hours like seven or eight in the morning, my internal body-clock is screaming, "What are you doing, you lunatic? It's the middle of the night!" The solution?

"He suggested that the start times of schools and workplaces should be more flexible, to ensure pupils and staff were operating at their best."

I so like this idea. I'm really not at my best before midday and strictly speaking, I tend to function most effectively after the pupils - and most of the staff, for that matter - have gone home. Could I start at about four o'clock in the afternoon? Ok, so that's not quite what he meant - but Prof Roenneberg suggested that...

"altering school and work start times to fit better with this pattern would make a "huge difference" to exam results and productivity. He suggested more companies should start work at 10am rather than 9am because the biggest problem is with people who have not fully woken up in the morning."

Yup - that's me. And you don't have to take my word for it; anyone who has had the misfortune to either a living space or a workplace with me too early in the morning will testify to this. Words like "bear" and "sore head" and "you're like" are the most frequently heard in this context. Like whoever it was that claimed drinking lots of red wine is good for your heart, Prof Roenneberg is my kind of scientist.