Reshuffle update

This pertains to the news that Douglas Alexander has been promoted to the Cabinet in Blair's latest massacre reshuffle. Elected as the MP for Paisley and Renfrewshire South when he was still a foetus, at 14 Douglas is the world's youngest ever transport minister.

The Sunday Herald piece says he is "said to enjoy a healthy rivalry with his MSP sister Wendy". Well, I don't think it's 'healthy' at all; something fishy is going on. Wendy used to hold the oxymoronically-titled job of Enterprise Minister in the Scottish Parliament and you used to see her on telly quite a lot. But since her brother's star has risen, she's nowhere to be seen.

Add to this circumstantial evidence the fact that no-one has ever seen them in the same room together, the astonishing truth that I can reveal to you now is that 'Douglas' and 'Wendy' are one and the same person.

'Douglas' Alexander

'Wendy' Alexander - really 'Douglas' after a good kip and a bit of slap put on to cover the wrinkles.

Nothing as crude as our Douglas wearing a skirt and donning a wig - 'Weglous', as he/she was named by the scientists responsible, was the result of a bizarre genetic experiment conducted in Lanarkshire in the late sixties.

It is this that also accounts for 'Douglas's' youthful appearance.

Strange but true.