Sunday, May 25, 2008

Reasons for not watching telly #47

Goddam TV chefs - especially those 'calling' for things. People calling for things are usually complete assholes - especially if they happen to be TV chefs.

In fairness to Delia, I'm not aware of her calling for anything as such. However, I bought a bottle of soya sauce at the supermarket the other day and was most distressed to find a label on it that identified it as a "Delia cheat ingredient". Now, how exactly the fuck does one 'cheat' with soya sauce? Your recipe either requires it or it doesn't.

But this is but a trifling annoyance compared to Gordon "I'll tell everyone else how to run a restaurant but the one I opened in Glasgow failed" Ramsay:
"Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay says British restaurants should be fined if they serve fruit and vegetables which are not in season."
I'd hate to sound like one of these internet libertarians but I really think this is one thing that the old market can take care of. Presumably if there are enough people who feel as strongly about out of season vegetables as he does, they'll vote with their quids and the business will suffer. You know, like the restaurant he opened in Glasgow did. (Apparently he was very upset about this - an excellent reason for rubbing it in, I feel.)

But this in turn is a trifling piece of stupidity compared to that expounded by Jamie "let's drive half the schoolchildren in the country away from the canteen" Oliver - according to the Times:
" Jamie Oliver believes that women should abstain from sex with their husbands or boyfriends to punish them if they refuse to cook."
He 'believes' this, does he? In fairness, he does understand men reasonably well...
""Men are driven by sex," the celebrity chef said this weekend at the annual Hay-on-Wye festival."
On the other hand, you should really file this breath-taking revelation under, "No shit, Sherlock." Plus his understanding of women is fairly appalling:
"So the best way for women to get their men into the kitchen would be to stop having sex with them until they start to cook."
Now tell me this: what kind of warm-blooded woman - nay, even tepid-blooded woman - would forgo a good shag in favour of some dog-shit meal some hitherto unpracticed male could come up with? Unless, of course, someone isn't doing something right...

Jamie Oliver: Where's Will? Will, in your revolution do we get to shoot this Sainsbury's advertising, dumb muthafucka?

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