Dear Agony Aunt...

My son is going through adolescence. Symptoms include: a reluctance to get out of his bed in the morning; girlfriend problems; the development of a slight attitude (disinterest in what you're saying is dismissed with a "whatever"); listening to loud rock music...

Now all of these are unremarkable in themselves and nothing I haven't seen a thousand times in my professional capacity. Rather, what is concerning me is he's only seven. I mean - and I swear this is true - it's more than a little disconcerting when the fruit of your loins declares at this tender age that the following charming ditty from Buck Cherry is his favourite song...



It's the radio edit - but still. I'm worried that his teachers one day might ask him to sing his favoutite song and I'll receive the attention of the social work department.

I've also turned into my father much earlier than expected - pulling him up, for example, for using the glottal stop. "Haven't they taught you the letter 'T' at school then? They have? So why don't you use it then?" Oh me, oh my - what is I gonna do? I'm kinda hoping this microwave existence I seem to be experiencing means he'll be ready to go out and earn a living and support me in the dribbling years when he's about, ooh, fifteen?