The stupidest gift ever

Back in the days when he used to be funny, the Bin Yin used to be quite partial to a wee drink or ten. Then he met Pamela Stephenson when she too was funny and romance blossomed. This motivated our Bill to chuck the drinking.

I'm sure there's a connection between this and him becoming less funny but fair play to him; I wouldn't want him to have died making us laughing or anything. But I could really do without this California confessional mode he's adopted in recent years. Today in the Scotsman, for example, he talks about how he 'fell off the wagon'. The trigger? Get this:

"Connolly told how he nearly plunged back into the drunkenness that had plagued his early life by celebrating a year on the wagon with a gift from his wife Pamela Stevenson.

"I stopped for a year and she gave me a bottle of champagne and I was one glass into it and thought: this is a mistake, I was enjoying not drinking," he said."

Yer man manages to stop drinking. You're so proud of him you think, "I know - I'll get him a wee pressie. Now - what to get?" A thought-process that begins perfectly reasonably somehow arrives at, "A bottle of champagne - the very thing for a recovering alcoholic!"

This is why the aforementioned bottle of champagne should in my view win 1st prize in the imaginary competition for the stupidest gift ever.

The other problem I have with this story is that it happened 21 goddam years ago! Hardly news, is it?

Sorry, I'll write something sensible soon, I promise. Cream-crackered the noo, so am ur.

Billy Connolly: "Ayyyyye, it was brrrillliant. Ah remember when this was all shipyards. That was the way of Glasgow then. We used tae..." Ah, shut the fuck up, will ya?