Screw Loose

From the Daily Record:

"A prison guard has been suspended after he disguised himself as a convict to steal drugs from a jail medic.

Adrian McCallum, 22, stunned bosses at Kilmarnock Prison when he tried to pull off the bizarre stunt in front of hundreds of cons.

The guard was so desperate for drugs he sneaked into a prisoner's cell and stole his uniform.

He then joined a queue of drug-addicted convicts waiting to be given heroin substitute methadone.

Tattooed McCallum, of Cumnock, Ayrshire, shuffled along in the queue in disguise hoping to be handed a supply of the drug.

But he was spotted - and shocked cons watched in amazement as McCallum was hauled out the queue and frog-marched away by furious guards.

Red-faced prison bosses last night confirmed the guard had been suspended.

An insider said: 'Everyone has been stunned by the guy's stupidity.

'He stole a prison uniform and then joined the queue at the methadone counter. If they don't have it, convicts who are used to taking drugs will just go crazy.

'McCallum was shuffling along in the queue with his head down wearing the uniform and had got to the front of the line.

'But at the last minute, he was spotted by other guards who yanked him out. He kept on trying to say it had been a joke, but I don't think anyone believed him.

'All the prisoners were going wild when they realised what was happening.

'It makes it difficult for the guards to retain any authority after something like this happens. I can't see McCallum escaping with his job after this.'"

The bizarre incident happened on Wednesday afternoon at house block two of the Ayrshire jail.

It was the next line in the article that got me:

"It is not known whether McCallum is a drug addict."

Um, I think that would be a reasonable assumption - either that or the guy's head is completely full of day-light.

For those of us who aren't big fans of PFI, the added bonus in this story is the revelation that the Kilmarnock prison is run by some outfit called "Premier Prisons" and has been under scrutiny before for lax security, under-staffing and prisoner abuse.