Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Two unrelated annoyances

British summertime begins

Well, whoopee! Let's dance down the street naked singing hallelujah. Oh, hang on - it's fucking freezing. Actually, on Monday I swear I could see that yellow thing in the sky - and it was actually giving off something resembling warmth. "Spring is really here", I thought - and my heart swelled with joy. But actually no, it was God saying, "This is what spring would look like if it had arrived but it hasn't, so hunker down and wrap up warm - there's more horizontal rain coming your way."

And what's with this changing of the clocks shit? I've yet to hear a satisfactory explanation. Two that circulate have something to do with Scottish farmers and kids going to school. Someone's seriously over-rating these constituencies if they think their concerns are worth making everyone else's Sunday hang-overs/come-downs more surreal than they were already. In the depths of the Scottish winter, it's dark when you go to work and dark when you go home: fucking about with the clocks isn't going to alter this fact. If anyone wants to overcome this problem, what about four hour shifts instead?

Inspirational signs in the workplace

I have no photos this time but take my word for it: they are spreading like a disease. There's one in this place that says something like, "It's easier to go downhill than up but the view is better from the top." Honestly! What exactly the fuck is that supposed to mean? It rather depends on what the respective views from each vantage point are, surely? What, for example, if the view from the top of the hill was a nuclear power station? And what if the view from the bottom was a group of nubile maidens frolicking in a lake after a hard day's hill-walking? How would you feel? Pretty goddam stupid for taking these vapid messages to heart, that's what.

There's another one that says, "On your own, you'll go faster - but together we'll go further." Sorry - none the wiser: which is supposed to be better? Depends where the fuck you're going, does it not? Is my job not difficult enough without being confronted with this shit in the corridor every day? It's a rhetorical question. It is. Definitely.

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