Friday, June 01, 2007

The stress of motherhood

Advice to pregnant women:

Don't drink alcohol. At all. It's not based on sound medical evidence but don't do it anyway; you can't be too careful.

Smoke while you're pregnant? What, are you Myra Hindley?

Read stories to your unborn child - otherwise your baby will grow up to be an illiterate wretch.

Don't argue with your partner. Your baby will hear it in the womb, be traumatised and may grow up to be a serial killer. Don't have a partner? There's no 'may' about it, then.

Eat healthily. Do what everyone seems to do these days: treat food as medicine, only more so. Otherwise babies' development will suffer and before you know it, they'll be involved in drive-by shootings and stuff.

Play music to your baby in the womb. But none of that gansta-rap - otherwise before you know it, they'll be involved in drive-by shootings...

And since "stress experienced by a woman during pregnancy may affect her unborn baby as early as 17 weeks after conception, with potentially harmful effects on brain and development" like lowered IQ, a disposition to criminality and cannibalism, stuff like that - FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T WORRY!

What do you mean I'm not exactly helping?

Via: Tom Hamilton

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