Scotland's crime capital

Is, apparently, Edinburgh:

"The area between Princes Street and the New Town tops the league table for offences committed last year.

Almost 5,000 crimes were reported in the area, which includes Rose Street and George Street, two of the city's most popular nightlife locations.

Most were crimes of dishonesty, such as shoplifting. But the city centre also had the country's third-highest rates for murder and violence, plus high levels of public disorder and drug offences."

Glasgow wasn't even number one in anti-social behaviour:

"Motherwell South, in Jack McConnell's constituency, recorded the country's second highest level of anti-social behaviour, behind the centre of Aberdeen."

More murders, attempted murders, serious assaults and robberies were committed in the centre of Glasgow than anywhere else but still, pretty shabby performance from the second city of the Empire.

Earlier today, Slasher McGraw, spokesperson for the Glasgow Federation of Gangsters said, "Obviously we're very disappointed and to fall behind the sheep-shaggers Aberdeen South is frankly an embarrassment. On murder and serious assault we're still performing well but more work is needed from our criminal community to put in a more rounded performance."